Being A Woman

This evening as I left work, I was in a good mood. It was drizzling slightly and I simply love the rains. I usually take an auto back home but I saw the bus approaching which goes to my home, I decided to hop in. Happy that it was mostly empty, I got a window seat in the left aisle and sat down.

Sitting behind me were two men, one who seemed half asleep and the other just sitting nonchalantly. As soon as I kept my rucksack (yes I carry a rucksack to work!) on my lap, I felt a hand move, trying to touch my back. Now living in a city like Delhi, you always feel that you are about to be groped, especially in a bus. I got a little wary though giving benifit of doubt to the men behind me. I mentally chided myself for imagining things as I continued to enjoy the scenery outside, lush green trees and a beautiful evening sky. Suddenly I felt a hand groping my back. Not a hand carelessly brushing past my back, a hand which purposely touched me. I turned back to address the culprit. One man was sitting with his hands folded and the other was asleep. I couldn't figure out who did that to me.

I turned towards my right now, almost facing the right aisle and in the corner of my eye I could see the movement of hands of both men. I was fuming from inside, feeling humiliated and treated like an object of someone's pleasure. Ten minutes later, the supposedly sleeping man did the same thing again.

Unable to control my fury, I got and up pulled his hair, so he could face me and slapped him. I told him to keep his hands to himself and after his protest that he was not doing anything wrong, I slapped him again. Everyone in the bus was looking at me, this was like a free ka tamasha for all and not a single person stood up to support me. Not that I expected anyone to.

After the fury subsided, I felt scared. What if he would have whipped out a knife or a pistol? What he comes tomorrow with four other men and tries to take 'revenge'? My pepper spray or karate moves will be of no help at all. Police inaction is well known too. It is this fear that mostly stops women from speaking out.

And even though incidents like this cannot break my spirit, as a woman living in this country I wonder how many will I feel violated and agonized? How many times will I retaliate and how many times will I fight? How many times will I keep quiet? Will I ever be able to use the public transport without feeling wary, without being on guard? Will I be able to walk on the streets without prying eyes looking at me? Will I ever be free?

P.S : I hope he learnt his lesson well and will never try to grope another woman ever. If he hasn't... there is no hope for this country.

You all can check out fellow blogger Blog C's post which is an offshoot of this post.

This post is part of Blank Noise's initiative for the International Women's Day 2007. For more check out their blog.

Originally posted on Thursday, July 20, 2006 9:06 PM

Do They Make This Kind Anymore?

This post is dedicated to a friend. Somehow after participating in the blog-a-thon and reading experiences of so many women and men across the board, my thoughts flew to you.

It seems appropriate that I dedicate this post to a guy, who at the risk of been a social outcast would not disrespect women. He would not be the part of the 'cool gang' or try to 'fit in' with the rest of guys because these so called cool people would do ‘cool’ things like disrespecting women. Because sometimes words, roving eyes and the vibes can be as violating as a dirty physical touch.

I have called you ‘uptight’ at times. Asked you why you can't gel around with people. But you just shrugged it off saying you have better things to do.

I have respected you for being that guy who would not succumb to peer pressure. Whose one look would quiet anyone. Who practices what he preaches. Who respects women the old fashioned way. Yet treats them like an equal.

You may not be the chivalrous man, always teasing that since men and women are equal, I should pay for our meal. This been the only argument I have ever lost. I can proudly say today that I know a person like you.

I wonder if they make ‘em like you anymore.

Orignally posted on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 4:31 PM

The Day I Landed On Planet Earth

At mid night the phone calls began and the SMSs started flowing in. Till 4th I wasn't feeling too excited with age catching up and I don't even look that old :D

But the phone calls and the messages got me all exicted. My friend had come over on 4th night and we spent some time doing what girls do best. Don't get any ideas, we were catching up on girlie talk, taking about our teenage years (and the crushes, tution, school, college) and bitching about bosses and colleagues.

Finally I went to sleep but kept getting calls and missed calls from my friends till about 4 in the morning. Messaged my one of my friend in my sleep. I have no idea what I wrote! My friends were coming over to spend a lazy sunday at my place (all working people can't afford to stay up late on Sunday night) and they were excited. Got up at 9.00 in the morning with more wishes from old school and college friends. Was pleasently surprised that so many people remebered my b'day :)

By 10.30 we dragged ourselves out of the bed and were roaming around in the home in our payjamas, unruly hair and sleepy eyes :D :D Got threatening calls from friends that they are landing up at my place in half and hour so decided to take a bath coz I didn't want them to get scared.

Checked out my blog and read comments by some of you. It was kinda sweet. Told my family about it. The feel good mood began by this time.

By 12.15 people started trickling in. By 1.00 everyone including assorted relatives, child hood friend and college friends had turned up. The young people sat together and the oldies were chatting amongst themselves. We all sat, taking in the sun, eating paranthas, butter, dahi, pulao, paneer, choley and stuff... (no non-veg at my place) courtsey mommy.

My friends had got the cake for me. The icing on the cake(and I mean this literally not metamorphically) read:

Dear Banput,
Wishing you Happy B'day

Now my name is not banput. I am half baniya and half rajput, hence the nick name banput. Not to say my parents had a hearty laugh on reading it. As for me? I got my photo taken with the cake :D

Then we listened to Bryan Adams (the next best thing) after I told everyone to buy me plane tickets and ticket to his concert as b'day present. Which by the way, no body got for me. We all chilled out and since I don't know how to make tea, one of my friends made it for all of us. By late evening the party broke up. But I was in a feel good state for a long time after that and today I am in no mood for working :D :D

Hope the boss doesn't decide to chuck me out....

Update: Happy Valentines day to all you people :)

Originally posted on Monday, February 06, 2006 12:45 PM

Men Dont Cry

I was talking to a male friend of mine the other day. He said to me “I can't stand women crying.”.

I asked him”Why?”

He shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something which I couldn't get. (Why are men like this?).

On further probing he said “I wouldn't know what to do, you know how to make her stop crying. I would feel so uncomfortable.”

Huh! As if you don't cry. And then he said the 'W' word which saw me in anger. What 'W' word? You guys must be wondering. Its called weakness. Why do men think that crying is a sign of weakness??? Somebody answer that question for me.

Bet you men didn't know that more than two thousand years ago, Aristotle theorized that crying "cleanses the mind" of suppressed emotions by a process called catharsis: the reduction of distress by releasing the emotions.

I seem to agree with Phil Donahue. He recently remarked, "I think that people who never cry are like people who never laugh: There's something wrong with them."

"Crying is natural, healthy and curative," according to Barry M. Bernfeld, Ph.D., director of the Primal Institute in Los Angeles. "[But] crying which should be the most natural, accepted way of coping with pain, stress, and sorrow is hardly mentioned in psychiatric literature. Now we seem finally to recognize that crying is good for people."

Why do you keep the hurt and the pain inside you? Crying is good for the soul. And finally here is a song (written by men). I want to dedicate it to my male friend who never cries and looks lost if I ever do.

Roy Orbison and Joe Melson wrote this song together


I was alright for a while.
I could smile for a while.
Then I saw you last night;
You held my hand so tight
When you stopped to say "hello."
You wished me well;
You couldn't tell
That I'd been crying Over you.
Crying Over you.
Then you said "so long,"
Left me standing all alone;
Alone and crying.
Crying. Crying. Cry--ing.
It's hard to understand
That the touch of your hand
Can start me crying.
I thought that I was over you,
But it's true, so true;
I love you even more
Than I did before.
But, darling, what can I do?
For you don't love me.
And I'll always be
Crying over you.
Crying over you.
Yes, now you're gone,
And from this moment on I'll be crying.
Crying. Crying. Cry--ing, OOOver you

Originally posted on Thursday, October 13, 2005 3:12 PM